LiveWorld Transcripts

CosmoGIRL! presents

Dr. Judy, Psychologist
Advice about sex, relationships and your body!

October 26, 2000

Dr. Judy, a psychologist and host of the "Love Phones" radio show, is the authority on all of your most personal questions. She's got fantastic advice on everything from crushes, to kissing, to STDs.

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CosmoGIRL: Dr. Judy, a psychologist and host of Love Phones radio show, is the authority on all of your most personal questions. She's got fantastic advice on everything from crushes, to kissing to STDs. This chat is sponsored by CosmoGIRL!--a magazine for REAL girls with REAL issues. Log on at www.cosmogirl.com! Welcome Dr. Judy!

Dr. Judy: What a pleasure, I'm delighted to be here, looking forward to talking to everybody, and answering all your questions. Personally, I adore the magazine, I take the latest issues with me and show them to people. I have even just taken them to China! And all the Chinese young girls wanted my copy! I love the way it covers everything you'd want to know, including about love and relationships, so let's go!

Teena: I like this guy and I am afraid to tell him, cause he never talks to me at all. Think I should just tell him?

Dr. Judy: Absolutely! Guys are nervous, even these days, about approaching a girl they might like, so he could secretly like you, and be terrified to stick his neck out, just in case you might not feel the same. So I suggest testing the waters, that means, say something nice to him about what he's wearing, or what he does after school, and see if he responds by spending a long time answering, by asking you questions back, and by smiling, even shyly. Keep doing that, four or five times, on different days, and then suggest something you can do together that's fun. Like, have you seen the latest movie (fill in the blank). Or, I've got tickets to (this concert), do you want to go? Act a little casual, and see how he responds.

Symmy: My best friend likes my old boyfriend. I don't want him but it makes me mad that she does. What can I do?

Dr. Judy: If you don't want him anymore, let her have him! Sometimes you feel badly about your ex dating a friend, just because you miss having a boyfriend, and you're a little jealous that they like each other, and you don't have somebody to like. Secondly, you may worry that he will treat her better than he treated you, that may make you think something is wrong with you, but DON'T! In the last analysis, she may find the same problems that you had with him, and then you'll feel better knowing it's really not you.

Shaina: My boyfriend has not been returning my calls like he used to. He says he loves me, but he hurts my feelings when he ignores me. How do I make him stop?

Dr. Judy: You want to make him start calling you again! The best thing to do is when he does call is to make a big fuss about how pleased that makes you feel. Because rewarding somebody when they do it right is better than criticizing them, or nagging, about what he's not doing. Don't take it so personally. Even though I agree with you, that once you have enjoyed the attention of his seduction and chasing you, it feels bad if he cuts down on his attentions, and you end up feeling taken for granted. Hold off complaining about it, in other words, give him some slack, and just enjoy the company you have. If he's not being as warm to you in person then you should have a big discussion about it. But realize, that some guys go through a rush, then they cool down, and then they can gear up again. So give him a chance!

Nike Just Do It: My buddies keep telling me I have to have sex by the time I'm 16, but I'm not ready. Is there something wrong with me? I'm a guy by the way

Dr. Judy: Absolutely not! Good for you! Big stars on your chest. Your buddies are simply behaving like typical guys putting peer pressure on their friends. And guess what? Some of them might not really be having sex either. The big deal is that guys think they are supposed to do it. I congratulate you heartily that you know you are not ready. You are the star example of the real man today. Who waits for the right time, and makes a wise decision, and is not swayed by his friends. Don't feel embarrassed in front of them. In fact, be more proud to tell them when they kid you that you are waiting for the right time. And know that you're smarter than them.

Who Cares Any Way: Why do guys always seem to want to have sex a long time before girls are ready?

Dr. Judy: It's conditioning. And part of our culture. That guys are taught that it's OK for them, and that fathers encourage them, to go for what they want. And it's also physiological, because truly, guys get testosterone rushes, that's their sex hormone. While the development of girls' hormones is slower and less pressured. It is more steady, and causes less pressure for sex.

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