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CosmoGIRL! presents

Senior Editor Elizabeth Kuster
Answering life's questions about love, lust and passion

May 30, 2000

It's never been a tougher time to be a young woman. If society pressures aren't nagging at you, then your boyfriend probably is. Join Elizabeth Custer, CosmoGIRL!'s Senior Editor, as she answers life's questions about love, lust, passion, and why dinner and a movie is still the best bet for a first date.

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CosmoGIRL: Welcome to our chat with CosmoGIRL! Senior Editor, Elizabeth Kuster This chat is sponsored by CosmoGIRL! --a magazine for REAL girls with REAL issues. Log on at www.cosmogirl.com! Welcome, Elizabeth!

Elizabeth Kuster: I just want to say I'm here and I'm ready to talk about love!

Sophie: I started seeing this guy a few weeks ago. We really like each other and we spend a lot of time together. Everyone keeps asking me if he's my 'boyfriend', and I don't know what to say. I don't want him to think that I'm too serious, but when do you start calling someone your boyfriend and not just a friend?

Elizabeth Kuster: Oh that's a really good question. First of all, you don't need to worry about labels. One thing that you don't want to do in front of him, without knowing how he feels about it, is get embarrassed by saying he is your boyfriend if you don't know how he feels about it. I would say if you are not sure, call him your friend. Don't let other people's opinions force you into saying something you are not ready to say, or into having some kind of relationship that you are not ready to have. Look to your heart and see if you feel that you just want to see him only, and then, have that conversation privately. It's really no one else's business what your relationship is. It's between the two of you.

Hollister: I really like this boy, but he is three years older than I am (I'm thirteen). We used to hate each other, but now we are good friends. He says he is too old for me and I'm too young. Should I continue to be friends and like him secretly?

Elizabeth Kuster: That's another good question. The first thing that I want to say is there is this old adage that tells us to always believe what people say about themselves. So if he is thinking that he is too old for you, then it probably means that he is into things that you are not ready for, and he probably is too old for you. The thing with 13 compared to 16 is that when you are older, three years may not seem such a huge difference, but in high school, it is a huge difference. That is the difference between not having your first kiss and having sex for the first time. My advice to you would be to listen to him. It's okay to be friendly and cool around him. You can have a crush on him, but look at boys your own age. If some guy is saying he's too old for you, he probably is. You should look for a guy your own age.

OceanSerenity: When do you think is the right age to start dating guys?

Elizabeth Kuster: Girls and boys mature at different ages. So whereas one girl at 14 may be ready, another girl may not be ready until she is 18. Everyone is at a difference pace. Even if your friends are dating, if you are not ready, it's not your time. It's not an age-related thing; it's how you feel on the inside. It's also what you parents say. My parents wouldn't let me date until I was 16. I liked this boy when I was 14, and I was able to work out a compromise that as long as we were at each other's houses, we could see each other. Some people might not be ready for that at all. Look to how you feel rather than what your friends are doing. It's always okay to be friends with a guy. You don't always have to be boyfriends and girlfriends.

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