LiveWorld Transcripts

HBO presents

Dr. Adam Cotsen
"Sex and the City"-Shrink Talk

October 04, 2000

Dr. Cotsen answers your questions about sex, relationships, and dating in relation to the latest episode of HBO's "Sex and the City."

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HBO: Welcome to Shrink Talk! Did this week's episode bring up some familiar issues for you? Dr. Adam Cotsen is live, ready to field your questions about relationships, sex and dating.

Dr. Cotsen: Hi everybody! I'm not a Madonna, and I'm not a whore. It's just me, Dr. Cotsen. Your Internet therapist, and I love you!

Bianca: Do you think "Sex and the City" is a good portrayal of New York life for single women?

Dr. Cotsen: I'm not sure what you mean by "good." Are you asking me if it's an accurate portrayal, or are you asking whether the life of Carrie and her friends is something a single woman should aspire to? I do think that "Sex and the City" is a relatively realistic portrayal, more realistic than something like the show "Friends." However, I do think that "Sex and the City" is a little bit wilder in terms of sex and the way that single women talk about sex than the reality for most single women in New York, or any other big city. Additionally, I think that life for Carrie and company is a little distilled in terms of there are more funny things going on for them than for most people. But hey, that's entertainment!

Brad: My girlfriend and I have been having some problems communicating and every time I talk to her one of us sounds either angry or like they're hiding something. What could be the cause of this?

Dr. Cotsen: I don't know Brad, you tell me. Do you have anything you would like to share with us? I think there is something that is making you both irritable, that is either being consciously hidden or that neither of you is in touch with. That could be anything from being upset with how money is handled in the relationship; to being unhappy with your spouse's flirting; to not feeling like you fit in with your spouse's family; to longing for a child more than your spouse is at this time; to the more obvious subjects of sexual dissatisfaction or infidelity. The important thing is to make sure that both of you, individually, are trying to figure out what's making you each so easily upset, and then both of you making a good faith effort to work on that issue with your spouse.

Shelby: Samantha advises Charlotte that to get Trey going she needs to get rid of her virginal image and be seen as a sexual being. Is this sound advice for the situation?

Dr. Cotsen: Well, Shelby, I think so! Because, really, the ultimate test of anything is doing it and seeing what happens. You know, Charlotte took Samantha's advice in this episode and it worked! Apparently Trey has a bit of a Madonna/whore complex. He was bound and determined to see Charlotte as his virginal wife and to see his pornographic magazines as whorish entertainment. So Charlotte really had to push him to stop pigeonholing her as some sort of prude and to see her as a loving, sexual, red-blooded adult woman. Good for her! You go Charlotte!

Tina: Trey manages to have sex with Charlotte for a minute and a half. Should this give Charlotte hope that they're on the road to a healthy sex life or does he need professional help?

Dr. Cotsen: Well Tina, he's already getting professional help, so I assume you mean does he still need more professional help. In that case, my answer is yes. There is good cause for hope, and Charlotte, with some help from her couples therapist and Samantha, seems to have figured out what to do. But nevertheless, having intercourse for a minute and a half and then losing your erection is hardly satisfying sex for either Trey or Charlotte over the long run. In addition, it's going to take a better effort than that if they are to ultimately make a few babies. At least, making a few babies the natural way.

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