LiveWorld Transcripts

HBO presents

Dr. Perelman
"Sex and the City"-Shrink Talk

October 04, 2000

Dr. Perelman answers your questions about sex, relationships, and dating in relation to the latest episode of HBO's "Sex and the City."

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HBO: Welcome to Shrink Talk! Did this week's episode bring up some familiar issues for you? Dr. Perelman is live, ready to field your questions about relationships, sex and dating.

Dr. Perelman: We just want to remind our audience that this Webcast is provided solely for purposes of entertainment. Let's have the first question.

Chris: Samantha advises Charlotte that to get Trey going she needs to get rid of her virginal image and be seen as a sexual being. Is this sound advice for the situation?

Dr. Perelman: It's a good question. In this case, the proof is in the pudding. Or perhaps a "Schooner" finds his way to "Rebecca" for the first time (for those of you who remember, their therapy session of pet sexual names.) In that sense, I think Samantha gave better advice than the therapist did. However, we must applaud Charlotte who, in a very loving way, said, "I'm not a Madonna. I'm not a whore. I am sexual and I love you." as she began touching herself. This clearly was very effective in arousing Trey and beginning to help him integrate his sexual feelings and his emotional ones connected together and focused around one woman. Certainly, some men suffering from ED (erectile dysfunction) would find Charlotte's behavior too overwhelming and anxiety producing. Yet for this couple, it was a perfectly timed intervention. I will note, however, that at the beginning of the episode, he is attempting to penetrate her with considerable difficulty and she later tells her girlfriends how aroused she was, yet she did nothing to assist or encourage him at the moment in question. There is no doubt that most women would be confused over what to do in a situation like that. However, it would have been helpful to merely say, "That feels so nice. Let me help you." as she took his penis in her hand and inserted it into her vagina. Even if he lost his erection as she performed such an act, both would have felt they were making progress. Having said that, again, my compliments to Charlotte on the way she helped create "a stiff breeze" by the end of the episode.

Mommy Ms: My hubby and I have three kids; we never seem to have time for more than a passing kiss as we run them all over the place and take care of the housework, I am afraid we are growing apart. What can I do to save this relationship?

Dr. Perelman: Hopefully, the relationship has not reached the point where it needs to be saved but let us merely respond to what is a common suggestion that may help a very common problem for all couples with children. In fact, if your own relationship or anyone else's is at the point where it needs to be saved, seek appropriate professional advice independent of whatever information you may garner from programs like this on the Internet. For many people, the critical issue, as the question suggests, is the lack of quality time and private time together for sex. Prior to children, sex is often spontaneous and made even better by the very nature of that spontaneity. Planned sex has an overly bad name. In reality, many of us have had some of our best times together in situations that were essentially planned. You are invited out on a Saturday night date, you know the exact time and place, and yet rather than that being boring, and routine, there can be an exhilarating excitement in anticipation of the date. Married couples need to try and create a similar situation. However, my advice is not to plan a specific time for sex but to plan a specific time for private time together. The more fun you have the more likely this will turn into a time for sex and/or some other form of intimacy. Which will only serve to help the relationship. Enjoy your date.

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