LiveWorld Transcripts

HBO presents

Dr. Perelman
"Sex and the City"-Shrink Talk

October 04, 2000

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Taran: Trey manages to have sex with Charlotte for a minute and a half. Should this give Charlotte hope that they're on the road to a healthy sex life or does he need professional help?

Dr. Perelman: Of course, it should give her hope, given where they have been up until this moment in time. Yet there is no question that things could be improved considerably beyond the brief encounter, which understandably filled her with such positive excitement, which she shared with Samantha. Perhaps more good advice and self-help approaches will help them extend and expand their sexual encounters. However, could Charlotte or someone else with a similar problem benefit from a consultation with a well-trained sex therapist? The answer is yes. They would benefit from such a consultation. However, he or she would need to do a better job than the therapist they have consulted with so far. Hopefully, if they go back to see him again (after all, he was a Yale man) he would have gotten some good supervision from my colleagues, Lorna and Phil Sarrel, who have been excellent teachers at Yale for decades.

Brooke: This past episode, Miranda dates Carrie's ex, Jim, and he turns out to be a big jerk. But then again, she's so cynical and harsh herself. Is there a connection here?

Dr. Perelman: While Miranda is certainly capable of being excessively cynical, distant and sarcastic, the only connection here is that Jim managed to act like an ass and a jerk with both Carrie and Miranda. Jim, actually, would be an excellent candidate for a group therapy, with cognitive behavioral perspective to help him learn to be more genuinely self-confident and to learn how to better relate to others.

Emily: Is it possible that until now Charlotte has seen sex as slightly dirty and that that prevented her and Trey from having real sexual chemistry?

Dr. Perelman: This relates to the question we addressed earlier. And certainly Charlotte's passivity up until the end of the episode did have a slightly contributory and dampening effect on the two of them progressing more rapidly sexually. However, in no way should Charlotte or any woman in this type of situation be seen as bearing the primary responsibility for her man's erectile dysfunction as manifest by Trey. There is no question the way in which a couple manages this issue can contribute to a more rapid recovery. But Trey's masturbation frequency, style, and focus, as well as inhibitions discussed in earlier Webcasts no doubt predisposed him towards having this problem with his bride. I think we have time for one more question.

Jodie: Up until this past episode, Charlotte proclaimed she never masturbated. In your experience, what percentage of women have a problem talking about masturbating or actually doing it?

Dr. Perelman: In my experience, many more women have difficulty talking about masturbating than they have doing it, although doing it in front of another person is something that would make a high percentage of women as well as men feel quite shy. We actually have some interesting statistics around these issues available to us from the definitive Sex in America survey conducted in conjunction with the University of Chicago in the mid-1990s. In that study of 18- to 59-year-old Americans, 60 percent of the men and 40 percent of the women report having masturbated in the previous 12 months. One men in four and one women in 10 report they masturbate at least one a week. Masturbation is not rare, although men are more likely to masturbate than women. However, masturbation is not necessarily at all for those who are sexually deprived but often an activity that stimulates and is stimulated by other sexual behavior. For instance, nearly 85 percent of men and 45 percent of women who were living with a sexual partner indicated in this study that they had masturbated in the previous year. Of course, many will remember Jerry Seinfeld's pet phrase "Being master of your domain." He of course, asserts, that for men, it's like shaving. We all do it. He may not be far wrong. Importantly, as actually demonstrated by the previous episodes, the biggest problem with masturbation is when it becomes a substitute for an enjoyable enriching sexual experience with a loving and eagerly available attractive partner, like Charlotte. Let's hope Charlotte and Trey can figure it all out by the end of the season. Unfortunately, that's all we have time for this evening. I look forward to hearing all of your questions again next week. Have a great week.

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