"Sex and the City" Shrink Talk

HBO presents

June 14, 2000

"Sex and the City" presents Dr. Adam Cotsen, who discusses the politics of sex, sex therapy, fetishes, and fantasies.

Page 1 of 5

HBO: Welcome! In "Sex and the City," Carrie asks, "Can there be sex without politics?" Dr. Adam Cotsen, a Los Angeles based psychotherapist, will be leading tonight's session.

Dr. Cotsen: Hi, everybody! Can there be sex without politics? Can there be politics without sex? What does everybody think?

Toby: What do I do if my significant other, or I has a fetish or sex disorder?

Dr. Cotsen: Well, of course, it's really important to know exactly what you mean by a fetish or a sex disorder. If you mean that your significant other has an unusual sexual turn-on, like Bill did in tonight's episode, in that he was turned on by the idea of Carrie peeing on him, then it's important to ask yourself how you feel about it. Whether it's completely unacceptable to you, whether it's something you could tolerate, or whether it's something that's actually exciting to you as well. In general, if your partner has an unusual but harmless sexual turn-on, it's best to try to be flexible and tolerant, and help them get excited and have fun. This builds the bank of good will, and what goes around, comes around. Perhaps your partner could then help you to reach some of your turn-ons, or be there for you when you may have some unusual emotional needs.

Rosamystica: Seems like nowadays there is a lot of sex with politics. How can one decipher what is the best course to take?

Dr. Cotsen: Well, tonight's episode was certainly about sex with politics. And by politics, it seems that the writers were talking about having to be considerate of your partner's feelings in a relationship. So in that case, I think that the best sex does come with politics, and that's how it should be. In terms of the best course to take, that would be the one that can be true to your own feelings while being sensitive to those of the person that you are dating, or even simply having sex with.

Iamhere: Do you think more and more women are living out their fantasies without worrying about the 'label' that might be put on them because of their 'promiscuous' behavior?

Dr. Cotsen: Well, I think that certainly Samantha Jones is now living out her fantasies without worrying too much. Whether more women in America are doing this these days, I'm not sure. Certainly, more women were doing this in the heyday of the sexual revolution, which is the 1970s, but the pendulum swung back with the AIDS epidemic of the 1980s. For a while, things were getting more conservative. I'm not sure we've recovered the freedom that women experienced sexually, fully, at this time.

Mabfab: My guy is sweet and loving, but he's probably the worst sex partner I've ever had. Do I have to give him up in order to be sexually satisfied by some one else, or should I trade real love for a less exciting sex life? Sex used to be my greatest 'everything'. Do I hear Barry White in the background?

Page 1 of 5