"Sex and the City" Shrink Talk

HBO presents

June 21, 2000

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Fluffy: Well, he has told me that he feels differently, and hinted at it, but when I press the issue, he says that everything is fine.

Dr. Perelman: One of the things that struck me so much about this episode was Carrie's pleasure at the end, where she feels vindicated, and no longer like a loser when she notices Natasha's thank-you note, featuring an embarrassing spelling error. My question is how can we make life win-win, rather than someone's up, and someone's down? Anyone have any thoughts? And what did you think of the ending?

BarksLikeADog: Is it "normal" to make a LOT of noise during sex?

Dr. Perelman: That's a great question. It's completely normal to express oneself and give voice to the pleasure one feels. Many men and women find it arousing both to let themselves go verbally, as well as finding it reassuring and pleasurable to have such an outward demonstration that they are successfully pleasing their partner. By the same token, many of my patients have told me of their surprise in finding that their partner had reached orgasm without any explicit behavior--verbal or otherwise--that would indicate a climax had happened. These are all variations of "normal" human sexual response. Enjoy.

Hampton: Us there such a thing as a perfect match? Or is it more about ones ability to adapt and accommodate?

Dr. Perelman: I think many relationships experience both at different points in time. Perfect, by definition, is usually unobtainable, and indeed struggling to find the perfect match in any situation, not just love, romance and sex, can lead to unfortunate consequences. Learning to define an appropriate level of compromise of your own ideal is probably a direct manifestation of one's maturity. Additionally, the ability to negotiate these compromises with another person leaving you both feeling good, in itself can be a goal, and a perfect moment. But it would seem all the great wise men and women tell us that this is frequently work, and one has to learn to enjoy that process, because in reality that's what life has to offer, as there aren't, nor do there need to be, any perfect people.

RIM: I don't think we can all win. I think the ladies on Sex and the City are wonderful I wish I could be so open.

Thefun: I think that most people have their own insecurities. And Carrie feels insecure when it comes to Natasha.

Dr. Perelman: That's absolutely true, about how Carrie feels.

Everyman: Simple maturity, Doctor. Carrie's own insecurity is diminished ONLY when she sees Natasha's shortcoming. She just needs to grow up and be happy with who she is.

Dr. Perelman: I like your perspective. It shows your own maturity and wisdom. However, that's a big "ONLY" for many people. It takes decades to learn to be accepting of yourself and others' qualities and frailties. I do think it would be valuable if we could learn to enhance ourselves without it being at someone else's expense. Do you have any thoughts about how to be more open? And referring to the previous writer's question about being open, how to the rest of you say things that are appropriate, and with discretion, which are difficult to express?

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