"Sex and the City" Shrink Talk

HBO presents

June 28, 2000

"Sex and the City" Shrink Talk presents Dr. Michael Perelman who discusses, in an online interview, sex, relationships, and dating.

Page 1 of 6

HBO: Welcome to Shrink Talk! Did this week's episode bring up some familiar "issues" for you? Dr. Michael Perelman is live, ready to field your questions about relationships, sex and dating.

Dr. Perelman: Hi, first we do have to remind everyone that this webcast is not therapy and is broadcast only for purposes of education, and entertainment. Having said that, I'm glad to be here and look forward to chatting with all of you.

Lisa: I hate my body and don't feel comfortable taking off my clothes in front of my boyfriend. What's wrong with me?

Dr. Perelman: Quite possibly there's absolutely nothing wrong at all with your body. However, hating your body is distressing to me to hear, and something worth discussing with a professional. Talking more generally, many people feel uncomfortable taking their clothes off in front of anyone including their boyfriend. That doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong with them or their body, merely that they are more modest and somewhat self-conscious. Anyone interested in beginning to change this can use a classic old trick of lighting a candle to add not only romantic atmosphere but a very subtle and favorable lighting.

Teri: My boyfriend is not interested in foreplay. How do I get him to realize that "sex" is not just about the orgasm?

Dr. Perelman: That's a great question. Many women complain that the men in their lives rush too quickly to "the good parts" without enjoying first of all the whole person, second the whole body and third more traditional erogenous zones. Let's presume you've already tried communicating about this and he either does not appear interested or hasn't seemed to get the message. Many people find leaving out a magazine article (which should not be too difficult to find) as a way of breaking the ice, for conversation about this will occasionally be more erotic, romantic, and linger in ways that are emotionally and physically exciting. Catch them being right and compliment them both verbally as well as reinforcing them with an even better sexual experience than usual. His own pleasure and yours will teach the best lesson.

Tully: What do you do when your intellect takes over while you're having sex and you just can't stop thinking rather than being in the moment?

Dr. Perelman: That's really a great question, and comes out an awful lot in my office with both men and women who have difficulty functioning sexually. In particular, when your mind focuses on whether or not your performance is what you feel it should be, rather than staying with the pleasure, problems will emerge. There are a couple methods sex therapists recommend to counteract that. To say just stop thinking about it almost never works. Instead try these tips. For one, open your eyes and see if there's some aspect of your lover's behavior or appearance you can concentrate on that gives you pleasure. Focus in where your partners body is touching yours. Take in those sensations. Many people are highly skilled at fantasizing while masturbating. To allow your mind to wander erotically in the same way when you're with a partner to enhance the experience - evoke more pleasure in your partner and help tune both of you into what a good time you're having, which is likely to make the next time even better.

Page 1 of 6