LiveWorld Transcripts

HBO presents

Dr. Adam Cotsen
"Sex and the City" Shrink Talk

June 7, 2000

"Sex and the City" presents Dr. Adam Cotsen, psychotherapist, who discusses in an online interview, issues concerning sex, relationships, and dating.

Page 1 of 6

HBO: Welcome! In the "Sex and the City" season premiere, Carrie asks: "Do women just want to be rescued?" Dr. Adam Cotsen, a Los Angeles based psychotherapist, will be leading tonight's session. Submit your questions to the shrink and share your words of wisdom, your best analyses, and your personal dramas with other fans. Join in!

Dr. Adam Cotsen: Hello, everybody. I hope you all enjoyed the show tonight. If anybody has any questions, I'd like to start the discussion off.

Sfcarl: Does the current role model of the strong professional woman make the "rescue me" fantasy even more attractive?

Dr. Adam Cotsen: Well, I think in some ways it does, because I think the strong professional woman is someone who's making a lot of effort to succeed in the workplace. And that makes the idea of relaxing and having somebody arrive that will make everything happen for you in your personal life much more appealing.

IceeMocha: Dr., what do you do when a guy checks out other women, and is always late? Makes you feel inadequate.any way we can change this behavior?

Dr. Adam Cotsen: Is the guy a boyfriend or a husband?

Jocuna: Why do you think that the girls have such a wonderful relationship between themselves, but not with the men they choose?

Dr. Adam Cotsen: That's a very good question. It's because, usually, relationship skills translate pretty well. If you are good at having relationships with friends, you are generally pretty good at having relationships with partners. So it's somewhat surprising that the girls on the show are struggling so much with men. However, this might have to do with issues connected with the men in their families, growing up--fathers, older brothers, and early boyfriends.

TXGary: I don't understand why women let things like looking at other women bother them. Isn't it just natural to look?

Dr. Adam Cotsen: Well, I think it is natural to look a little bit. And let's say it's a boyfriend who's doing a lot of looking when he's out with his girlfriend. It can be natural, or sometimes a man can be looking around too much. Sometimes, a woman can be too sensitive to a little bit of natural looking on the man's part. It generally is an issue that if a woman wants it to stop, she really should bring it up with her boyfriend and talk it over. It certainly won't stop on its own, nor will it help for her to just get resentful about it and have her resentment ruin her mood and crop up in unpredictable ways.

CoffeeBean: Is there hope in changing a man, or do you get what you see?

Dr. Adam Cotsen: Generally speaking, you can't change a man. He can only grow in the direction that he's interested in growing. So that, in actuality, you can see some change, but he's got to be really interested in putting in the effort to change in those directions. Additionally, you better like the basic man that you are with, because this kind of change can't really be counted on.

Millie: The dilemma Carrie faced this evening - realizing that it was her fear keeping her from being with someone new is something that all of us can relate to. What do you recommend for people who continue to do this and cannot be happy?

Page 1 of 6