"Sex and the City" Shrink Talk

HBO presents

August 2, 2000

"Sex and the City" presents Dr. Cotsen who discusses, in an online interview, issues concerning sex, relationships, and dating.

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HBO: Welcome to Shrink Talk! Did this week's episode bring up some familiar issues for you? Dr. Adam Cotsen is live, ready to field your questions about relationships, sex and dating.

Dr. Cotsen: Hi everybody! I hope you all enjoyed tonight's show. What did you folks think? Is timing everything?!

Sarah: Is timing everything in relationships?

Dr. Cotsen: There's no question that timing is absolutely vital in relationships, although it is very romantic to believe that destiny will eventually connect you with the perfect husband or wife, much as Charlotte believed about Trey on tonight's show. If you happen to meet that potentially perfect partner at the wrong time, either for you or for them, either one of you won't be available or it won't work out because you are not both ready to fall in love. So I would say that although timing isn't everything, there's a lot to be said for such things as compatibility, communication, effort and passion. Nonetheless, timing has to be there!

Bloomers: How can you tell the difference of being in Love or plain in Lust? I need to know. Thanks!

Dr. Cotsen: I think that lust is pretty clearly about wanting to look at your boyfriend or girlfriend, touch him or her, and have sex with him or her. If your feelings don't extend beyond this, then you are dealing with true lust. Probably the next step beyond lust would be the feeling of infatuation, which for some people is the same as the feeling of being "in love." That's when you find it hard to get a person off your mind. You love every little thing about them. You can't seem to get enough time with them, enough passion with them, enough of them! Beyond that, I would say that the feeling of love involves passion for someone, plus really valuing your time with that person, and caring about them as if they were a member of your family or part of your body. I'd be curious to hear what you all think about being in lust, in love, and loving.

Statsmonster: Just a comment. It seems to me you are confusing lust with affection. Wanting to touch someone, just to touch, is affection, not lust. Wanting to have sexual relations would be lust, no?

Dr. Cotsen: Yes, I agree. However, wanting to have sex with somebody often includes wanting to touch them and look at them as well. At least for us more romantic, lusty types!

Sally: What do you think of Aidan and Carrie. Don't you think he's perfect for her?

Dr. Cotsen: Well he certainly seems pretty dreamy. So far there hasn't been very much tension between the two of them except for the drama Carrie whipped up for them last episode. He may turn out to be perfect for her, but I don't really believe that we know very much about him as of yet. And besides, why is he taking so long to get back from doing his errand at the corner store?

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