"Sex and the City" Shrink Talk

HBO presents

August 2, 2000

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Jason: What are the Kegel exercises Samantha was talking about? What do they do?

Dr. Cotsen: You know I think that Samantha herself did a pretty good job of explaining what they are. Nevertheless, my understanding is that Kegels are donut-shaped devices made of a flexible material that women can use, especially after having a few babies in order to re-tighten the muscles of their vaginas. However, for more information, I would really recommend that you or your wife should talk to her gynecologist.

Heydee: What does it mean when a guy teases you but doesn't have sex with you?

Dr. Cotsen: Well for one thing it means that a very rare event has occurred, because the classic tease followed by no sex usually goes the other way around. Most of the time women are accused of being cock teases. I suppose that a man might tease for a number of reasons. One might be that he is too tired or drunk to follow through on his flirtation, or perhaps he is a little cruel and wants to get your hopes up. Another possibility is that he enjoys the flirtation but is unsure how well he might perform sexually. I'm sure there are a number of other possibilities that may be going on.

DaphneX: Do you think Miranda was right that Steve wanted to use having a baby as a "Band-Aid" for their relationship?

Dr. Cotsen: Very good question. I think Miranda was right that somewhere deep down Steve wanted to use having a baby as a "Band-Aid" for their relationship. However, Steve seems to be the kind of playful, spontaneous type of person. I doubt that he ever thought consciously that "maybe having a baby would save our relationship." I think that the two of them really have been having a lot of trouble in their relationship and that Miranda showed a lot of clarity and courage in breaking up with Steve tonight. What did you folks think?

Kristiluv: When Big showed up at Carrie's door, I couldn't help thinking that men only want what they can't have. Why is that?

Dr. Cotsen: Well Kristi-luv, the world certainly would be a very bleak place if what you said was entirely true. That would make it nearly impossible for any marriage to either be happy or faithful. Fortunately it's only some men that have a tendency to only want what they can't have. These men often have a real taste for variety so it's hard for them to continue to prefer the women they are with. Additionally some men have a Madonna/whore complex so that they start to see the woman that they are married to as more and more of a mommy and less and less of sex object. I would recommend that these men seek the help of a therapist if they want their marriages or long-term relationships to work out, but I would really like to remind you and give you the good news that most men don't have this issue and really for most people it's possible to keep their men satisfied and their lives filled with passion.

Shania: I would love to spice up my sex life and make it more romantic, any suggestions?

Dr. Cotsen: How about candlelight and a warm bath together? If that doesn't work and you want a little more spice, what about blindfolds and dripping a little bit of the hot wax? But maybe that's a little bit too much spice. Often just paying close attention to what the two of you enjoy and spending some time focusing on each other and relaxing is enough to add romance and passion to your life together. Thank you all for your excellent questions tonight. Please tune in to next week's Shrink Talk following Sex and the City.

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