"Sex and the City" Shrink Talk!

HBO presents

August 2, 2000

Dr. Perelman answers your questions about sex, relationships, and dating in relation to the latest episode of HBO's "Sex and the City."

Page 1 of 2

HBO: Welcome to Shrink Talk! Did this week's episode bring up some familiar issues for you? Dr. Michael Perelman is live, ready to field your questions about relationships, sex, and dating.

Dr. Perelman: Welcome everyone. We do need to remind all of you that this webcast is not therapy. It is broadcast only for purposes of education and entertainment. Let's take the first question.

Chaz: How would you compare the relationships that the show depicts to real life? In a City, as most places I have lived, they are far from that magnitude.

Dr. Perelman: I think the show does an excellent job of evoking very, very important themes of everyday life that are critical in understanding the issues all of us face in relationships. I think that accounts for it's tremendous popularity. Having said that, the show, as fictional drama, exaggerates and compresses life events at a pace that becomes a parody, albeit a very entertaining one, of everyday life. So many of the things that happen to the 'girls' do happen to other people in real life, but not quite so habitually, frequently, and intensely. Normal life typically has much more down time attached to it. But what do the rest of you think? Let's take another question.

Angela: I wonder if Miranda's promotion at work allows her to dump Steve more easily. Is work the only relationship she knows how to have?

Dr. Perelman: That's a very good question. I don't think it was her promotion that allowed her to "dump Steve more easily." As we watched the program unfold, Miranda's apprehension and ambivalence about this relationship has been profound, and for good reason. I do not think Steve is the 'kid' she accuses him of being, albeit that would be a convenient out for both of them. Instead, both we and they need to recognize that they have very different values. She questions whether or not she's willing to compromise her work for a relationship. She actually answers that question in the affirmative when she leaves the office to meet him at the pet store, at his request, to spite her impending four o'clock business meeting. He says, "Maybe we are not ready for a baby; it's a test run." They both took a chance, perhaps even more Steve than Miranda by taking home the cute puppy and accepting it as a test. Clearly, for her he flunked. Not so much because the puppy kept waking her more than him, but because he shows how out of touch he is with her feelings when despite her obvious anger, he shoves the puppy in her face. That's the moment he lost her--not by watching her tunes, although that clearly didn't help. I suspect we may be hearing more about this as the program continues. Let's take another question.

Silky: How do you know you need relationship therapy?

Dr. Perelman: That's a very good question, and rather then provide a complicated answer to a simple question, let me offer this advice. If you think you may need therapy to help you with relationships, it would be very worthwhile to have an evaluation interview. Really, it's just a consultation with a qualified therapist. Competent, ethical professionals are not interested in providing help to people who do not need it. See what the experience is like for yourself. Ask the professional for an opinion about what he/she might recommend for you, and then make your own decision, even if it's only to have a second appointment to further clarify that decision making process for you. If it seems you might benefit from help but are not really comfortable with the first person you consult with, by all means, obtain a second opinion with another therapist, and then decide what seems to be the best course of action for yourself. If you still can't decide what to do, that, in and of itself, may indicate you do need a little outside help. At that point, have a conversation about this issue with a close friend, family member, or spiritual leader who you trust, and make your decision. What other questions do we have?

Page 1 of 2