LiveWorld Transcripts

HBO presents

Dr. Adam Cotsen
"Sex and the City" Shrink Talk

August 23, 2000

Dr. Cotsen answers your questions about sex, relationships, and dating.

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HBO: Welcome to Shrink Talk! Did this week's episode bring up some familiar issues for you? Dr. Adam Cotsen is live, and ready to field your questions about relationships, sex and dating.

Dr. Cotsen: Hi, everybody! Hope you all enjoyed tonight's show. I'm curious to hear what you all think of Carrie's affair with Mr. Big.

AndCounting: Is there an easy way to reclaim your sex life after the birth of a new baby and the mandatary 6-week waiting period?

Dr. Cotsen: I think the most important thing to do in reclaiming your sex life after a new baby is to make sure that you and your husband have some private time together, especially at an hour of the day when you both still have some energy--perhaps when the baby is down for a nap, or when a nanny or relative is looking after the baby. So use your imagination. Maybe experiment with daytime sex, or maybe get away together to a romantic motel while someone babysits at home.

GldDlfn: Is it possible that Carrie and Big will get together?

Dr. Cotsen: LOL! Sure, it is possible that Carrie and 'Big' will get together. He certainly seems willing to leave Natasha in order to be with Carrie. However, she was unwilling to commit to a future with 'Big' when he offered to call Natasha and tell her that he wanted out of his marriage. So unless Carrie's feelings change, I would doubt that they'll end up together.

Intravert: My girlfriend thinks the danger of getting 'caught' in strange places is a turn-on, whereas I prefer the safety of home. Is there a satisfactory compromise?

Dr. Cotsen: It certainly sounds like your girlfriend is quite the extrovert! Well, my introverted friend, I think the best compromise consists of finding ways to say 'yes' to both people, rather than finding ways to say 'no' to both people. In your situation, what I would recommend is finding a safe way to turn your girlfriend on by having sex in an unusual place. She can then, in exchange, say 'yes' to one of your turn-ons. This type of compromise can build the bond of good will between the two of you and make your lives together richer, and sexier!

Mdchttr: What signs do I look for to pinpoint a cheating spouse?

Dr. Cotsen: I think your question might be more appropriately asked of a private investigator than a therapist, but I'll take my best shot. I would imagine that if you keep pressing your spouse to account for any large periods of time spent away from you and away from work, you may be able to smoke something suspicious out of the woodwork. What I mean is that you may force him to come up with cover stories that cover up time spent cheating. Like any other lie, a cover story may be detected by vagueness, inconsistencies, lack of verification, slow delivery, and other hallmarks of fabrication. Perhaps a more important thing to think about is why do you already suspect your partner of cheating, and are you happy or unhappy in your relationship with him. Especially if you're happy in your relationship with him, are you sure you want to go on a witch hunt to see if you might discover an episode of cheating? However, if you are unhappy in your relationship and you suspect cheating because your husband does not feel fully present and satisfying, then it's probably best to get to the bottom of things so that you can either repair the relationship, or move on.

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