LiveWorld Transcripts

HBO presents

Dr. Adam Cotsen
"Sex and the City" Shrink Talk

August 23, 2000

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BusyBrat: How does poor Aiden feel about Carrie's affair with Big? Is he trying to win her back or just forget about her since she went off with someone else?

Dr. Cotsen: I don't believe that poor Aiden yet knows about Carrie's affair with Big. I think he learns about it next week, if I'm not mistaken. However, in tonight's episode, Aidan certainly noticed that Carrie was not fully present when she was with him. She acted real irritable, and their sex together was not satisfying. So it's pretty clear that Carrie's affair is having an impact on the quality of her relationship with Aidan. I would imagine that if and when he learns about the affair, he would want it stopped, because it's really hurting his life with Carrie. He should also want to find out why she felt she had to go outside of their relationship to find that extra excitement.

Kelly: In tonight's show, Carrie and Big carry on their affair, but Carrie's confused. Is it that Big's interested in her because he is not available. Is this love or just lust?

Dr. Cotsen: I'm not sure I understand your question completely. I feel as confused as Carrie. Perhaps Mr. Big is only interested in her as a woman who is now taboo and off limits. In that case, it would be pure lust! However, why would he then offer to leave Natasha for Carrie, and insist on calling her to begin the process? His offer suggests that he has changed his mind about Carrie and desires a serious future with her. In that case, it would be love!

Cage: why would you marry someone you enticed through an affair? They have already proven they will leave a committed marriage for the next best thing; where's the trust and security?

Dr. Cotsen: Cage, I would agree with you completely. Were I to entice someone who is married to have an affair with me, I would then be very worried that she would ultimately leave me in the very same way. However, if this were my concern, why would I be enticing somebody out of their marriage anyway?

Myohmyohmy: Men never leave there wives for the other woman, do they? And if they do, can a relationship between you work given the way it started?

Dr. Cotsen: This is very similar to the previous question. I would never say 'never.' If a man leaves a relationship for a woman that he is having an affair with, he may stay with her for a number of reasons. One very important reason is that he might have learned important things about himself and what he needs in a marriage through the experience of his first marriage. He may then have gravitated to his second wife because he senses that she is ultimately more of what he needs in life, and the kind of person that he is most compatible with. So in this situation where the affair and second marriage represent a story of learning and searching, rather than simple male wander-lust, then I think the second marriage stands an excellent chance of lasting and being happy. I hope you all enjoyed tonight's show about Carrie and her torrid affair with Mr. Big. Please remember, do not try these things at home! These actors are professional performers, acting under controlled conditions for our viewing pleasure. Take care, and see you all in two weeks.

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