LiveWorld Transcripts

HBO presents

Dr. Perelman
"Sex and the City" Shrink Talk

August 23, 2000

Dr. Perelman answers your questions about sex, relationships, and dating.

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HBO: Welcome to Shrink Talk! Did this week's episode bring up some familiar issues for you? Dr. Perelman is live, and ready to field your questions about relationships, sex, and dating.

Dr. Perelman: First, we do have to remind everyone that this webcast is not therapy and is broadcast only for purposes of education and entertainment. Let me have the first question, please.

Coolbabe: So many guys seem to have a one track mind, or am I just running into a lot of the wrong type?

Dr. Perelman: Could be a little of each. There is research that suggests, as I presume you are indicating, that men tend to have more frequent thoughts about sex than women do, on average, during the course of a day, as measured by standard sociological surveys. Having said that, it's clear that you are much more likely to run into immediately suggestive talk at a single's bar than if you frequent lectures, seminars, hobby groups, or professional society meetings where you have some genuine interest in the topic, as well as meeting a man to socialize with. By their very nature, the latter places of interest have a structure that tends to promote non-sexual interaction prior to creating the availability for more social relationship development. Check it out. Let me know how it works.

Neon: Ok.maybe you can give me some advice here. Oh, I hope so! This guy over the Internet thinks he and I would be a great match. I, personally, do not like 'Internet relationships'. How do I either A) get out of it, or B) make something of it?

Dr. Perelman: You need to examine what your motivation really is regarding this issue. In accepting your question, I initially thought you merely needed permission to follow your own preference at not liking an Internet relationship. If that is the case, why pursue it any further? If it provides some alternative to loneliness, perhaps other generic chats and interest groups would be a better alternative than seeking solace in a relationship that you don't truly wish. Good luck.

Brooke: Isn't it important to know you're sexually compatible with your partner before you get married? Isn't Charlotte making a big mistake here?

Dr. Perelman: First, there are tremendous cultural differences as to how people choose to handle the issue of premarital sexual knowledge. Certainly, it is commonplace at this point in time in our culture for people to not only experiment sexually, but, frequently, they live together, or at least live intimately, prior to marriage, often for a period of years. However, let's take a look at Charlotte. Does she really know nothing about her sexual compatibility with Trey? In reality, I would suggest, at this point, she actually has accumulated quite a bit of information about his sexual responsivity to her, as well as being aware that he is capable of turning her on. Yet, this was all done without the two of them having had coitus together, at least as far as the viewing audience is concerned. In terms of what we have observed as an audience, I am actually more concerned for her future with the precipitousness of her engagement, and even more so with Trey's relationship with his mother, which finds Charlotte negotiating her pre-nup with her future mother-in-law rather than her husband to be--additionally, within that same episode. We find Charlotte intrigued by Trey's mother's touch of his arm and successful manipulation of Trey's behavior, mimicked later again successfully by Charlotte herself. For me, this is a larger, brighter, yellow flag about their future potentially than their current lack of sexual consummation. Before we run to another question, just a word about sexual consummation and safer sex illustrated, not surprisingly, by some of the events in Samantha's life in this week's episode. At the clinic, Samantha is asked about the type of condom she uses. Amusingly, she runs through a long list of brand names until the nurse draws her up short with a question, "Latex or lambskin?" The reason for this, for those of you who may be unaware, is that lambskin condoms are porous to virus transmission to a much greater degree than a latex condom. In concluding that topic, it's also important to know that any oil-based lubricant will degrade the latex condom, putting you at risk.

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