LiveWorld Transcripts

HBO presents

Dr. Adam Cotsen
Sex and the City-Shrink Talk

September 06, 2000

Dr. Cotsen answers your questions about sex, relationships, and dating.

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HBO: Welcome to Shrink Talk! Did this week's episode bring up some familiar issues for you? Dr. Adam Cotsen is live, and ready to field your questions about relationships, sex, and dating.

Dr. Cotsen: This week's episode brought up some familiar issues for me such as, "Aren't I familiar with this episode?" Nonetheless, it sure was a spicy one, especially the ending. What did everybody think?

Tony: How should Charlotte address Trey's sexual under-performance without hurting his feelings?

Dr. Cotsen: Well, I think she did a pretty good job of it last week, and I think continuing in the same vein would work pretty well. I think it's important for her to make it clear to him that she loves him and is committed to her marriage with him, and, therefore, she will try to work on this problem together with him as a couple. Clearly, she should avoid either putting him down or putting too much pressure on him, because poor self-esteem or performance anxiety could perpetuate the problem. I think your question is a very good one, and this issue of Trey's difficulty with erections is one of the more interesting things going on, on "Sex And The City" these days.

Sonya: After all is said and done, do you think Carrie and Big could work as a couple, or is it all too messy at this point?

Dr. Cotsen: I really don't know if Carrie and Big could work as a couple. They certainly have one major risk factor, which is that Big has already shown that he is a man who is vulnerable to having extra-marital affairs. As far as whether they might fit together as a married couple, I can't really answer that. Either I don't have a very good memory of last season, or I just don't think we've learned enough about who Big is as a person. I'd be curious to hear what you folks think.

Chris: I'm a 20-year-old college male student and still a virgin. I'm starting to feel humiliated rather than proud, and it's getting harder to not just go ahead and do it. Any suggestions for me and my frustration?

Dr. Cotsen: Well Chris, it sounds like you're trying to keep your virginity and having to resist tempting opportunities to have sex. I would be interested in knowing 'why' you want to keep your virginity, because that would be the source of motivation and power for you in resisting temptation. It's also rather unusual for a 20-year old male college student to want to keep his virginity, so I think that's worth exploring. A couple of final thoughts on resisting the temptation to have sex--one would be simply to avoid situations that might lead readily and rapidly to bedroom. Another thought is to avoid lowering your willpower by drinking or using drugs in potentially sexual situations. Finally, when I was talking about motivation, what I meant is that if you're keeping your virginity for religions reasons, you may want to think of a prayer that you could say in key moments, or you might want to touch a cross or a star that you wear. I hope these ideas prove helpful, and I hope you have a great time when you finally feel that the moment is right for you to start having sex. Sorry, that's "Sex In The City!"

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