Sex and the City-Shrink Talk

HBO presents

September 06, 2000

Dr. Perelman answers your questions about sex, relationships, and dating.

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HBO: Welcome to Shrink Talk! Did this week's episode bring up some familiar issues for you? Dr. Perelman is live, and ready to field your questions about relationships, sex, and dating.

Dr. Perelman: Welcome. I just want to remind everyone, once again, that this webcast is for entertainment and education purposes only. If some of you had any difficulty getting online this evening, not to worry. There seems to be some national tie-up, which perhaps is reflecting the tie-ups that not only our stars are having in their emotional life, but the traffic gridlock I just ran into in New York City, having over 150 Heads of State visiting us at the UN today. On to less weighty, but for some, perhaps, also compelling issues and questions. Could I have the first question?

Roger: Now that Charlotte and Trey are married, how will that relationship affect Charlotte's relationship with Miranda, Carrie, and Samantha?

Dr. Perelman: That would depend a lot, in real life, on the individuals involved. On our TV program, I think we can safely predict that they will all continue to interact in some way together, unless we learn at some future date that Charlotte has been written out of the program. In real life, factors such as Trey's comfort with her friends and their impact on the relationship will affect how much they socialize with her girlfriends as a couple in the evening and on weekends. Past behavior is a good predictor of future behavior, and, in this case, I suspect they will all continue to interact quite a bit. It's unlikely he would be comfortable with Charlotte heading out at night with Samantha for a drink, but they were more likely to be having breakfast or lunch together with the other girls. The episodes through the wedding all suggest a continuation of significant sharing and intimacy between these women independent of the relationships they have with the men in their lives. I suspect quite a bit of that will continue.

Conner: What could be causing Trey's problems in bed with Charlotte?

Dr. Perelman: It's an interesting question. There are actually a number of reasons. When I am training our psychologists and psychiatrists in doing sex therapy, we will teach them about immediate, intermediate, and more remote causes. First of all, we need to make some guesses as what the presenting problem is. What is the sexual problem according to Charlotte's wedding day whisper to Carrie, "Trey 'cannot get it up'?" This, of course, is highly suggestive of an erectile dysfunction. Although Trey's own remark at the pivotal moment of, "I can get the sails up. I just can't bring it into the harbor." As Carrie suggested, most simplistically, had Trey masturbated immediately prior to Charlotte surprising him with her late night amorous visit, his erectile latency may have been a problem however remote the girls suspected this may be. What may well be an issue is if his masturbation style in terms of frequency, pressure, speed, and friction is very dissimilar to what he experiences when he is with a partner. Indeed, he indicates that intercourse may not be his thing, although he reports the problem to be intermittent. What to do about this we can get to in a moment. In terms of immediate causes, insufficient stimulation comes to mind, although we want to emphasize that this does not mean Charlotte was doing anything wrong at all. Next, we would look at performance anxiety that Trey, in spectatoring, is putting undue pressure on himself to please someone who clearly is very important to him. This is a common issue for many men. Not to be clichéd, we also need to take a look at his particular relationship with his mother who in previous episodes with a stroke of his arm and a subtle suggestion is able to change his behavior with him responding with his now classic 'allrighty'. Before we get too carried away psychologically, there are also a number of physical causes that can result in erectile dysfunction, including a variety of illnesses not otherwise yet expressed. Side affects of common medications like those for high blood pressure and, of course, depression, which in and of itself does not appear to be present here. So Trey would need a thorough evaluation, but that's not how we would begin. In fact, we will let the next question help us arrive at what to do next.

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