Sex and the City-Shrink Talk

HBO presents

September 13, 2000

Dr. Adam Cotsen answers your questions about HBO's hit show "Sex and the City" as well as sex, relationships, and dating.

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HBO: Welcome to Shrink Talk! Did this week's episode bring up some familiar issues for you? Dr. Adam Cotsen is live, and ready to field your questions about relationships, sex, and dating.

Dr. Cotsen: Hi, everybody! I hope you all enjoyed tonight's show.

Georgia: Charlotte figures out that Trey's erectile problem isn't physical. Was her technique valid? And if so, what is Trey's problem?

Dr. Cotsen: Well, Charlotte's technique, cute and clever as it was, was after all, believe it or not…valid! Basically, if a man can get an erection at night, that means that he is physically capable of getting an erection by day. So that implies that Trey's problem is emotional, and not physical. Emotional causes of erectile dysfunction include having mixed feelings about your wife or partner, having mixed feelings about being with a woman as opposed to, perhaps, being with a man (latent homosexuality), anxiety difficulties, especially performance anxiety, and clinical depression, which can cause a man to lose interest in everything that he enjoys, sex included. There may be some other emotional causes of erectile dysfunction that I can't think of right now, but you folks get the idea.

Fiona: Charlotte says she didn't have sex with Trey on their honeymoon. Is that unusual?

Dr. Cotsen: Fiona, dear, yes, it is highly unusual! I hope your question doesn't tell us anything about your honeymoon? Generally speaking, couples may start their honeymoon feeling exhausted from being under the spotlight at their wedding, and having to entertain so many wedding guests. However, after a newlywed couple regains their energy, they tend to have some of the best sex of their marriage during the 'honeymoon phase'. That's why we have the expression, 'honeymoon phase'!

Freddy: What do men really want in a relationship, and are there any clues on how to find the 'right' man?

Dr. Cotsen: Freddy, I think it's really hard to generalize about what men are looking for in a relationship, because I think that there are so many different types of men. That brings me to the second part of your question, which is how to find the 'right' man. The key thing to keep in mind here is that the 'right' man for you might not be the 'right' man for the next guy or girl. So it's very important to figure out what it is that you're looking for in a man to get involved with. You may want to talk this through with a good friend or, perhaps, a therapist if you're having trouble. Best of luck.

Lizzard: My girlfriend cheats on her husband. I'm afraid I may slip about it to him. Should I tell or not? I am also friends with him, as well.

Dr. Cotsen: Wow! What a difficult situation. You have conflicting loyalties. Clearly, your girlfriend has trusted you with a secret, and I must tell you that, as a psychiatrist, I'm very partial to the importance of keeping a secret. I do not think that it is really your place to spill this secret to your girlfriend's husband. Nonetheless, you have my sympathy, because I think your girlfriend, by confiding in you, has put you in a very awkward place. If you feel strongly disapproving of your girlfriend's cheating, then I would funnel your concern into persuading her to stop her cheating, and figure out why she needed to do it. I hope it all works out for the best.

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