LiveWorld Transcripts

HBO presents

Dr. Adam Cotsen
"Sex and the City"-Shrink Talk

September 20, 2000

Dr. Cotsen answers your questions about sex, relationships, and dating in relation to the latest episode of HBO's "Sex and the City."

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HBO: Welcome to Shrink Talk! Did this week's episode bring up some familiar issues for you? Dr. Adam Cotsen is live, ready to field your questions about relationships, sex and dating.

Dr. Cotsen: Greetings everybody from here in sunny and glamorous Los Angeles.

Michelle: Why do you think Carrie slept with that guy in LA so soon after breaking up with Aidan and the whole Big thing? Is it classic rebound behavior?

Dr. Cotsen: Hmmm. It certainly may be classic rebound behavior, which I understand to be sleeping with someone else very soon after a breakup to convince yourself that you ARE still attractive, and to cheer yourself up. However, this was not exactly how Carrie's affair with the LA guy was presented on tonight's episode. I believe it was more of a classic "shipboard romance." This is a situation in which a girl can let her hair down, and have some fun with a cute guy. She knows that it doesn't matter if the relationship goes any further than a real fun fling, and she's not at risk for getting a bad reputation back home. I think Carrie was just out to have some light-hearted fun in La-La Land!

Kerri: Was Charlotte's suggestion that Trey consider taking Viagra a valid one, especially if Trey's problem is more emotional than physical?

Dr. Cotsen: Yes, it is a very valid suggestion. Viagra has been shown to be effective in about ninety percent of cases of erectile dysfunction due to emotional causes, vs. seventy percent effectiveness in cases due to physical causes. So Charlotte has really done her homework. Let's go Charlotte!

Rosedean: If you were to give Charlotte some advice as to how to handle Trey's sexual problems, what would you suggest?

Dr. Cotsen: This is a very difficult situation for Charlotte because I believe Trey's erectile dysfunction would be a reason for her to want to leave the marriage if it does not improve. So I think she should gently encourage him to seek the help of a physician as she did on tonight's episode; but additionally, if that doesn't work, she should back up her encouragement with the possibility of her having to leave the marriage. This is really a difficult situation that would have been much less painfully and embarrassingly handled while they were dating, rather than waiting for after the wedding.

PaintedConure: Dr. Cotsen, I am looking for a long lasting relationship. I am 30 years old, but it seems that a lot of the men in my age group still aren't ready to settle down if they already haven't. Any advice?

Dr. Cotsen: Well, I guess your question boils down to, "How can I spot a man in his thirties who is ready to settle down?" For one thing, I would be fairly forward in my dating, and ask the man what he's looking for at this time of his life. Additionally, I would ask him about his career and try to gauge whether he feels somewhat established, or whether he still feels like he is scrambling at this stage. Finally, I would ask about his previous relationships. Get a sense of whether this is a man who likes to be in long-term relationships, or whether he does not seem to be cut out for them. I hope these tips prove to be helpful, and I'd appreciate our audience volunteering some additional tips, if anyone knows of some.

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