LiveWorld Transcripts

Houston Chronicle presents

Jeffrey Power
Virtual Life Coach Jeff Power

April 25, 2001

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Dreamer: I'm a first-time mom and just recently returned to work. I find it difficult after a long day at work to make time for the baby, my husband, and making dinner. We eat a lot of takeout. I thought things would be easy, but they are not. What can I do?

Jeff Power: You're right. It's not easy being a first-time mom returning to work. The first thing I recommend you do is realize that you are undertaking a huge challenge which will require that you rethink and redo some things in your life. Thankfully, this type of huge challenge can offer you tremendous opportunities for going beyond your comfort zone. It's very important that you closely examine your time management skills, your goals in the three spheres of life--your personal sphere (your self, personal stuff), your professional or work stuff, and your relationship self. Identify the most important goals or objectives in each of those areas, so that you can then plan and prioritize how to achieve those most important goals. If you find that you're still stuck, seek professional help from a trusted friend or relative, a counselor, or a therapist--someone who is already further along the path and can assist you.

Thurston: My partner says that I should worry less about getting everything done - that the 'in' basket will never be empty. Somehow, that isn't very comforting! (grin) How do I decide what needs doing today, and not feel the pressure of that other stuff piling up in the basket for tomorrow?

Jeff Power: Unfortunately, many people do get caught up in worry. I don't tell people not to worry, because that doesn't help. What I do want to say to you is that there's nothing in life that is deserving of your getting stuck in worry. It is important that you learn to identify the aspects of your life demands, which can and cannot be controlled. You will need help in learning to identify the aspects that can be controlled. Once you've identified, with assistance, what cannot be controlled, it then becomes easier to learn to let go, because any mental or emotional energy that is focused on what we cannot control is lost. Therefore, worry is a useless and self-defeating behavior. If we identify those aspects that can be controlled and focus our mental energy, emotional energy, and physical energy, we will make progress. Please realize there are many things in life that we should be concerned about. The difference between worry and concern is that someone who worries sees the problem and focuses on potential negative outcomes, and thus, makes the problem bigger. Someone who is concerned sees the problem, and then focuses on identifying solutions, or identifying what they can do to move in a direction of addressing the concern successfully. In regards to deciding what needs doing today, I recommend the Five 'P' Principle--Proper Planning Prevents Poor Performance. Proper planning requires that you accurately prioritize what you will do, how you will do it, when you will do it, and requires that you communicate with significant others (i.e., partner, spouse, boss, supervisor, co-workers). Do not prioritize only on what you believe, and do not weigh yourself down by believing that you are required to meet everyone else's expectations. An excellent book that I would recommend is "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie, because it will give you dozens of examples of how to deal with other people's unrealistic expectations of what you can do in a diplomatic way that will actually make you look good! Whether facing a lot of challenges in being a first-time mom and recently returning to work, or that in-basket, realistically, it would take the average person many months, if not a year or two, to learn to achieve a healthy balance. Please be patient with yourself, and don't place unrealistic expectations on yourself!

Janies Guy: Is there such a thing as being 'too organized'?

Jeff Power: Well, certainly anything can be carried to an extreme. If your 'need' to be organized interferes with your ability to be happy and enjoy life, or fully be the person you most want to be, remember the big two questions. Then, one could say that your need for perfection in the area of organization is causing you problems. Only each person, through close examination of their achieving what they want from life, can decide if they're being 'too organized'.

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