"The Genders"

August 22, 2000

"The Genders", Amy Ferguson and Jeff Drake discuss in an online interview, the ins and outs of relationships, dating, and gender stereotypes.

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Social Net: Welcome to SocialNet.com's fun-filled hour with Jeff and Amy, "The Genders." They're ready to discuss popular relationship phrases and their real meanings. Jeff Drake stumbled into writing like most people--on a bet after a long night of drinking. After destroying his dating life in his hometown, he moved to Los Angeles. Amy Ferguson is a serial dater and freelance writer from Boston who now calls Southern California home. Her writing has appeared in print, on television and on the web. Welcome to the chat, Amy and Jeff!

Amy Ferguson: Hello everyone!

Jeff Drake: Hi! It's lovely to be here!

Sn Tara38: You have a fun first date and then you hear those three words, "I'll call you". Will he call?

Amy Ferguson: Fifty-fifty. Never believe it when a guy says he'll call. Words are just words. You have to really judge how you think the date went, yourself, and if you really want to hear from him again and he doesn't call, give it a try and call him yourself. The worst that can happen is that you won't go out again but you just might.

Jeff Drake: I agree with most of what Amy said. You have to really go by how the date went, more so than just him saying that he'll call. If it seems awkward or tentative during the date, he may just be saying it as a reflex.

Amy Ferguson: I'd like to add that when a guy really likes you he'll usually say when he'll call -- he'll say I'll call you tomorrow or next week. "I'll call" is a little vague.

Cilla TX: What is the real meaning of "let's be friends"?

Jeff Drake: The real meaning is "I'm seeing someone else."

Amy Ferguson: One of three things -- "I'm gay." "I'm not interested." "I'll sleep with you, but don't expect me to pay for dinner."

Jeff Drake: Dinner may be Dutch in that case.

Dumpee: When she says "It's not you.it's me", that's basically trying to dump ya, nicely, huh? Any less obvious ways to do that?

Jeff Drake: You're exactly right. It's not you, it's me actually means it's not me, it's you. Sure, there are less obvious ways to do it. Obviously that person can't think of one.

Amy Ferguson: As the song says, there are fifty ways to leave your lover. So, the "It's not you, it's me" speech is a little bit of a cop-out. It basically just means it's not you so much as it is me, because I don't want to be with you.

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