Authors of "The Good Girl's Guide to Negotiating"

March 08, 2001

Read our chat with Leslie Whitaker and Elizabeth Austin, authors of "The Good Girl's Guide to Negotiating: How to Get What You Want at the Bargaining Table." Find out how to put your extraordinary gifts to work and equip yourself with the self-confidence, knowledge, and skills you need to make a great deal, whether you're selling a house, leasing a car--or buying a company.

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TWBookmark: Welcome to Time Warner Bookmark! Warner Books is proud to introduce our special guests Leslie Whitaker and Elizabeth Austin, authors of "The Good Girl's Guide to Negotiating - How to Get What You Want at the Bargaining Table." Find out how to put your extraordinary gifts to work and equip yourself with the self-confidence, knowledge, and skills you need to make a great deal, whether you're selling a house, leasing a car - or buying a company. Welcome to Time Warner Bookmark, Leslie and Elizabeth!

Leslie Whitaker: Thanks very much!

Elizabeth Austin: We're delighted to be here!

TWBookmark: How was the idea of the book born? Was it based on personal experiences?

Leslie Whitaker: We realized we desperately had to learn how to negotiate better. I was hired to write a book, "The Beardstown Ladies' Common-Sense Investment Guide." It turned out to be a bestseller, but I only earned about $12,000 for it.

Elizabeth Austin: We realized that we were allowing ourselves bad deals because we thought that there was something not nice about advocating ourselves and getting a fair slice of the pie. And as the mothers of daughters, we needed information so our girls would grow up to be better negotiators than their moms had been.

Talia: What is a good girl and how do you know if you are one?

Leslie Whitaker: A good girl is someone who pays too much attention to everyone else's needs at the expense of her own. Someone who wants to be liked so much that she avoids conflict and someone who thinks that you need to be mean and male to get a good deal.

Elizabeth Austin: If you pick up more socks than anyone else in your household, it's a pretty good sign you're a good girl. And if you feel that you don't want to brag during salary negotiations, you're a good girl. And if you worry about hurting a car salesman's feelings, you're DEFINITELY a good girl! (smile)

Dominique: How do you distinguish between being agreeable, giving or patient, and doing too much?

Elizabeth Austin: That's a good question! I think you have to decide for yourself whether you feel as though you're getting generally a fair shake from the world around you. I also think you have to look at your own motives. If you're pleasant and agreeable because you hold those values dear, that's great. But if you're self-sacrificing and yielding because you fear the important people in your life won't love you anymore if you advocate for yourself, I think something is out of balance there.

Leslie Whitaker: I think all the traits that she mentioned are valuable ones. We distinguish between good girl and post-good girl behavior, and by 'post-good girl' we mean being conscious of what you're doing and how you're doing it. Not being afraid to say no. When you say yes, it's not because you're afraid to say no.

Francie: What is the secret to negotiating?

Leslie Whitaker: The secret is that it isn't a process in which you think on your feet necessarily and just react impulsively and aggressively. What it really is is an interaction in which the better-prepared person will do better. The goal is not to win and not to make the other person lose, but to have both people have their needs met.

Elizabeth Austin: I think the secret that we learned in our research, through talking to experts and hundreds of women who negotiate every day, is that we all negotiate every day. It's not some strange and foreign activity that we practice only on those rare occasions like when you buy a car or house. Women negotiate every day, all day -- and we're better at it than most of us realize. You just have to be conscious of your skills and use them for your own benefit.

Leslie Whitaker: One good example is listening. Lots of women are excellent at paying close attention to what the other person is saying. This is something that every negotiating book written by a man stresses over and over. It's something many men often have to learn how to do, but most women do it effortlessly. Instead of listening just with the idea of meeting the other person's needs, if you listen for openings -- for the meaning behind the words and paying attention to what's not being said -- you'll begin to put together clues.

Elizabeth Austin: I want to stress one more thing -- this is not about feminine wiles. It's not about using your strength to take advantage of someone else. Our whole point is that when women use their skills, they can create solutions that produce valuable results to everyone else -- and we think that is great news!

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