Sexuality and intimacy after breast cancer diagnosis

iBreast presents

February 15, 2001

Page 2 of 10

Beffie: When my husband and I are intimate, I feel him tense up when he goes to touch me. He says there isn't a problem. How can I get him to open up about his feelings?

Dr. Schover: Your husband may be tense, but you also may be very sensitive right now. Sometimes it helps just to start with some lovemaking and let nature take its course. If your husband remains tense, then it may be time to talk more about feelings.

Dr. Weiss: How would she bring it up?

Dr. Schover: Sometimes it is helpful to bring up issues about sex outside the bedroom. Sometimes it is nice to wait until you have some private time when you are both relaxed. That will help make the conversation more relaxed.

Dr. Weiss: It's also helpful not to make it sound like a criticism, but rather something that you noticed that you were concerned about, that you wanted to help make it better for both of you.

Two Fancy: How do you get over feelings of not being whole, when half of your breast has been removed?

Dr. Schover: It takes some time to start feeling good about yourself again. Sometimes it helps to focus on the things about yourself that were attractive before, instead of focusing on the small part of yourself that has changed. It may help to do things that make you feel vital and attractive. Physical exercise, wearing clothes that you like, and getting comfortable looking at and touching the area of your scars are all things that can help.

Dr. Weiss: Body image is usually much more of a problem for the woman herself than for her partner. The fact that sex usually occurs in the dark and under covers may give you a little bit more comfort or help you feel less exposed. I would recommend Dr. Schover's book, "Sexuality and Fertility After Cancer." This is a great resource.

Dr. Schover: It has some exercises to help you get comfortable with your body again.

Dr. Weiss: Don't expect that you will feel better about your body overnight. It will take time. But you also have to be willing to choose to support and nurture yourself and let go of some of your self doubts. 1. ibreast.org info--Problems Normal · Although about 50% of women have sexual problems after breast cancer, this is about the same rate as in other women of similar age and background who don't have breast cancer.

Rachelle: Are there any herbal topical cremes or pills that I can take to increase my sex drive and not interact with my medicine therapy?

Dr. Schover: I do not know of any natural herbal preparations that truly can increase a woman's sex drive. Even the big drug companies have not yet found a drug that can increase desire for sex.

Dr. Weiss: How about Viagra?

Dr. Schover: Viagra does not work on the brain. It works on the genital area and it has nothing to do with sexual desire.

Dr. Weiss: What does it help with?

Dr. Schover: Well there is no evidence right now that it helps women with anything. If it did help, perhaps it might help women who have vaginal dryness and cannot take estrogen. It might promote more vaginal lubrication when women get sexually aroused, but so far there is no proof it works that way.

Dr. Weiss: But Dr. Schover, have there been studies of Viagra in women?

Dr. Schover: Yes there have, and they have been very disappointing.

Page 2 of 10